Welp, how ‘bout that home opener?!
The Bucs dropped their first loss to the Packers Sunday in a 14-12 game that saw Tom Brady complete a pass to a guy who was unemployed six days ago. (Cole Beasley, SMU.)
The offense struggled without its top three receivers. Lombardi Lenny managed 35 yards on 59 snaps. The Bucs jumbotron operator is banging their head against a wall after Aaron Rodgers said some pretty Aaron Rodgers-y stuff after the game.
The silver lining? The Bucs defense once again looked dynamite after a fast Green Bay start, forcing the Packers to punt seven times and picking off Rodgers after giving up scores on the first two drives. It was a hot, wild day at Raymond James Stadium reminiscent of NFC Central lore. And The Identity was in the house for all of it.
So, what does one think about during a three-hour slog of failed third-down conversions? What follows is a tracking log of deep thoughts and observations from traffic to kickoff and back.
How heavy are the cheeseheads?
The Packers travel well. Noticeably well. Like, big hunks of yellow cheese floating about a stadium well. But it’s also impossible not to wonder how much effort goes into dawning the cheese. How much balance and strength is incorporated into spending more than four hours wearing dairy? What’s the sun coverage on those things? Does a big Packers win come with a massively sore neck and an awkward tan line the next day?
Rodgers never fails to look completely insane in uncanny moments
The best fan jersey award goes out to Captain Bones
Captain Bones, if you’re reading this, we offer you a five-bone salute. Speaking of jerseys…
A lot of Brett Favres in the seats on Sunday
Captain Bones > Brett Favre.
Of the Bucs’ current roster, who’s next in line for the Ring of Honor?
Tom Brady feels too easy. I’d put a friendly wager on Lavonte David or Mike Evans.
Tampa Bay’s offensive weapons feel so wacky
Brady is 45 and throwing to guys who somehow feel 55. It’s going to be a glorious sight to see Mike Evans, Chris Godwin and Julio Jones back on the same field again. That’s a thing that’s going to happen…right?
Do season ticket holders on the east side of the stadium get a “sun lighting your skin on fire” discount?
There’s not enough sunblock and hydration in the world to save you from that first half.
Stop playing music during the “Tampa >>> Bay” chants
It’s a beautiful, sacred blessing to be one half of the Tampa Bay chant, which one could argue is a top-tier chant in American sports. And yet each and every time the Bucs cued it up on the jumbotron, they proceeded to blast EDM over the loud speakers, essentially negating any crowd noise or audible cheer whatsoever. This is why the Bucs have only scored three touchdowns in three games. I’m sure of it.
What happened to the run game we saw against the Dallas Cowboys?
If ever there was a game to cut Lenny loose, it might be the one in which you’re targeting Cole Beasley.
Tom Brady almost did Tom Brady things, even after a miserable day
The Buccaneers didn’t score a touchdown until there were 14 seconds left on the clock. But the drive itself proved Brady’s still got the magic when he’s got the right hands to throw to. Yes, most of those hands spent the day fumbling and generally causing a ruckus. But if the Bucs offense can start clicking *sweating nervously*, light the cannon powder. Until then, enjoy watching some majestic defense.