For centuries, the slump has been a known contingency in sports.
They are unavoidable.
Like father time, taxes and bad soup.
In case you haven’t noticed, the Bolts are in a bit of a rough one at the moment, dropping their last five games and eight of their last 10 ahead of tonight’s home matchup against the Flyers. Like all losing streaks, this too shall pass. But that doesn’t mean we, the fans, can’t do our due service in busting out some good old-fashioned superstitions. Slump-busters. Righteous juju.
Athletes and fans alike have been practicing such absurd witchcraft for as long as sports have endured. I, myself, missed a belt loop this morning and chose not to fix it. A sartorial sacrifice to the Hockey Gods.
But in the spirit of a single odd-looking pair of slacks not getting the job done, here are some more surefire ways we can align the Lightning’s chakras this week. We’re not saying these superstitions will be the reason they break out, but a little wacky, delirious fan support can go a long way in trying times. Let’s do this.
Lightning gear under the work suit
Blue underwear on game days. That Bolts jersey you haven’t washed since the last Stanley Cup Final. We’d even go as far as busting out the bathing suit you wore to the last boat parade. If it fits, it flies right now. No one has to know.
Acclimate your temperature
It’s cold out there on the ice. Hell, it’s cold in Amalie Arena. In solidarity with Stammer, Kuch and the gang, drop your thermostat down to the 50s until the Bolts can at least pick up two March wins. You’re already wearing unfathomable layers of Lightning gear under your work suit. If anything, it’s worth the painstaking utility bill.
Be nice to your Big Cat
It hasn’t been an awesome time for Andrei Vasilevskiy since his lights-out performance against Detroit last month. If you have a cat, or your friend has a cat, or can just find a cat in general, show it some extra love. Give that local stray a nibble of tuna. Invite more strays. Set more and more food out until eventually your front porch is an unconquerable domain of feline—just as Vasy’s between the goal posts.
Enlist a pregame meal
Wade Boggs famously ate chicken before every game and it got him more than 3,000 hits and a Hall of Fame career. Imagine how many Stanley Cups the Bolts would have if we all locked in our own culinary ritual of Cubans and Cigar City beer? This logic is undeniable. Trust us.
Electrocute yourself in between periods
We’re not advocating you stick a fork in a socket or anything. Just a light static shock. A little foot rub in the carpet flooring to say, “Go Bolts.” If baseball great Moises Alou could pee on his hands before every game, we can at least bear this.