Oi! The Stars and Stripes kick off their 2022 World Cup bid against Wales this afternoon at 2 p.m. And when a major global sporting event that only comes along once every four years rears its massive, corrupt head, well, you know the drill: It’s time to find a bona fide excuse to ditch the laptop for some footy. FIFA’s marketing materials have told us it’s totally OK to stick to sports and watch this thing guilt-free. So first, good luck with that. And second, enter the Hurried Person’s Field Guide. A failsafe game plan equipped with sports bars and excuses to get you out of the office and onto a barstool, wherever it is you’re working these next few weeks, should you feel the need to catch Team USA. Don’t get fired.
Downtown Tampa
The Place: Yeoman’s Cask & Lion
The Excuse: You have new clients in town from Bristol.
And the deep fryer broke down while your fish & chips were still in there.
South Tampa
The Place: MacDinton’s Irish Pub
The Excuse: The line at Taco Dirty is longer than it’s ever been.
Most bizarre thing, boss. It’s not even Tuesday.
Downtown St. Pete
The Place: Williams Park
The Excuse: There’s a freaking 18-foot big screen playing the USA game.
Touché.
North Tampa
The Place: Paddy Wagon Irish Pub
The Excuse: You’re picking up the Mike’s Pies for Thanksgiving.
The factory is a bit of a drive—should be a couple hours.
Clearwater & Largo
The Place: Luke’s Sports Shack Bar & Grill
The Excuse: Your beach condo is on fire.
Er, flooding.
Town ‘N’ Country
The Place: Bilmar Station
The Excuse: You have to take your nephew to football practice.
Family first.
Feather Sound
The Place: Courtside Grille
The Excuse: You scheduled your team Thanksgiving lunch at the exact time of the USA-Wales game.
That’s just a savvy move right there.
Ybor City
The Place: Bad Monkey
The Excuse: You accidentally hit a chicken on your way back from Carmine’s.
If you want to really sell it, wedge a few loose feathers in your radiator grille.