While Elon Musk has been distracted making Twitter 2.0 “extremely hardcore,” a new, more advanced rocket ship has taken over Florida’s shores.
If you haven’t heard, Yacht StarShip’s latest 2,800-horsepower speedboat thrill ride debuts in Hillsborough Bay this Friday. The casual jaunt takes about 45-55 minutes, reaches speeds of around 45 mph and features interactive games, hand-dance parties (!), turns, bows, dips and 180-degree spins (!!).
If you’re still confused as to how the logistics of this massive speedboat work—and frankly we’d be confused if you weren’t—here’s a “RocketBoat” variation of it in San Francisco Bay. A body of water famous for it’s chop and strong currents, so much so that it’s said former Alcatraz escapees could never make it past its treacherous waters. But in hindsight, they were probably all just run over by the RocketBoat.
Naturally, we have some questions as to how the Bay Rocket will coexist within a delicate Tampa Bay ecosystem of old fishermen, kayakers, high schoolers-gone-tubing and general marine life. 15 of them to be specific, starting with some basic fundamentals. Let’s ride.
1. Where does the Bay Rocket have permission to go?
It’s reported the Bay Rocket will depart from the Tampa Convention Center and cruise past Ballast Point. But seeing as those two places are not very close to each other, and involve navigating some relatively congested waters, it’s easy to wonder what this thing will look like to passerby.
2. Ballast Point Park—isn’t that a popular dog beach?
There’s a rocket joke in there somewhere. But we’re not going to make it.
3. What Tampa Bay sights might one see on this thrill ride?
Considering your eyelids will be peeled back to the furthest edges of your eye sockets, probably all of them.
4. The “turns” and “bows” sound fun, but it’s the “dips” that concern me. Is it possible the Bay Rocket is also a submarine?
Not likely. But we acknowledge your concern for the “dip.”
5. Is there a waiver required?
If there is, we’d like to read it.
6. What are the qualifications required to driving this thing?
You must be 16 or older to get your Florida Bay Rocket license.
7. Is there a bar on the Bay Rocket? Or is it BYOB?
It’s worth exploring if this is an all-inclusive event.
8. Can you drop a fishing line off the Bay Rocket?
Catch-and-release only during 180-degree spins.
9. Does the Bay Rocket go off any sweet jumps?
It just feels like nothing’s off the table here.
10. What happens if your hat flies off during the ride?
Hopefully, it’s caught by someone in the hand-dance party.
11. What exactly is a hand-dance party?
When in doubt, just raise the roof.
12. Does the Bay Rocket go out in the rain?
A poncho might not be a bad idea either way.
13. I’ve just been sprayed with vomit on the Bay Rocket. From whom do I seek assistance?
Hope you like Big Ray’s Fish Camp.
14. Can Dominic Toretto get his hands on one of these in the next Fast and Furious movie?
In the words of Dom himself, he appreciates a fine body regardless of the race.
15. What role will the Bay Rocket play in future boat parades?
The Starship Yacht has played a major role in each of Tampa Bay’s three championship boat parades. Will the hard-charging Bay Rocket lead the way next time around?