That’s no moon… it’s Lightning Star Wars Night.
Tonight’s home game against the Florida Panthers—a wretched hive of scum and villainy—boasts a shiny coat of Lucasfilm Ltd. featuring special appearances from your favorite Star Wars characters and all the droids you’re looking for.
So in the spirit of making another Stanley Cup run in 12 parsecs, we threw a little hypothetical out to the office staff.
In a Han Solo-Jabba the Hutt bounty scenario, you’re given the opportunity to unfreeze one former Lightning player from their carbonite chamber to use for the rest of this season. But only if you hand over a rival player to freeze in return. Which Bolt would you bring back and which rival player would you put in the ice block?
It’s admittedly quite the beneficial swap as far as Star Wars-themed Lightning hypotheticals go. But freezing our own guys would not be very Resistance of us. Now let’s get to it, fuzzballs.
Thompson Brandes: Now that the Bolts have added Tanner Jeannot to the top-nine, my initial thought was to bust prime Ryan McDonagh out of the carbonite to re-team with pals Hedman and Sergy on defense. McDonagh has a sneaky high career +/- with the Lightning and was a locker room cornerstone of back-to-back Stanley Cups. But like, is that really a more effective move than just dropping Marty St. Louis in a line and letting him cook? My eyeballs would fly out of their sockets watching St. Louis and Point alone. And while it’s tempting to give Boston’s Brad Marchand the freeze, it’s probably more beneficial to hand David Pastrnak’s diabolical ass over for the cryo-treatment. We’ll see if JBB can pull this off by Friday’s deadline.
Alicia Armes: Unfreeze: Vinny Lecavalier. I grew up watching him with my dad, so seeing him play with our current team would be amazing. A Vinny boat parade would be pretty fun too.
Freeze: Linus Ullmark. If the Bruins netminder keeps scoring goals like he did Saturday night, the team might literally be unstoppable.
Ben Shotten: I would unfreeze Ben Bishop. In my opinion, he was part of that initial group that built a consistent winning culture. He gave us a taste of the Stanley Cup Final in 2015 after a brilliant game 7 showing against the Rangers in the Conference Final. I feel like his impact on the locker room can’t be stated enough, even as a trusted backup. [Editor’s Note: This feels like Ben favoritism.]
Who I’m freezing? Jabba the Hutt can have Brad Marchand. The multiple licking incidents kind of seal deal for me.
Rafael Agosto: I’m not much of a Lightning historian, so I decided to use a little outside help for this prompt from the trusted and leading sources of artificial intelligence, ChatGPT. And here’s what it chose:
“If the goal is to unfreeze a former Tampa Bay Lightning player who can contribute significantly to the team for the rest of the season, my suggestion would be to unfreeze Martin St. Louis. St. Louis was a key player for the Lightning during his tenure with the team, and his skills as a scorer and playmaker could be valuable in the current season. My suggestion would be to then freeze Auston Matthews of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Matthews has been one of the top goal scorers in the league and a key player for the Maple Leafs, who are one of the Lightning’s toughest rivals in the Eastern Conference. Unfreezing a former player like Martin St. Louis could help bolster the Lightning’s offense, while giving up a player like Matthews could weaken a key rival team in the conference.”
I don’t know about you, but this sounds pretty legit to me.
Kaylee Glyder: Gotta get the TBL defense back so I will unfreeze Roman Hamrlik, the first player ever drafted by TBL. I think he could come back with a vengeance for a Cup run. Then I would freeze Ryan O’ Reilly, one of Toronto’s newest addition—so he will hardly be missed by them—but as the final stretch of the division we need someone gone from that team.