One of the many things that makes baseball great is the abundance of individual idiosyncrasies that exist within the confines of a team game.
Styles of play may be comparable, but not a single one is like another. Every swing is singular. Every hit and home run has its own unique personality.
Over the past few seasons of watching Rays games—but really since the first time I laid eyes on him—the personality of Randy Arozarena’s swings, hits and home runs has been an especially beautiful thing to watch. So much so that I find his highlights provide an uncanny form of therapy whenever they trickle onto my screen. Regardless of the day’s events, an Arozarena dinger (that’s Big Al for “home run”) can somehow turn my brain off, provide a temporary release, put a grin on my face where other baseball players and relaxants cannot.
Is this a personal phenomenon? Probably. Orioles fans definitely aren’t watching Randy Arozarena highlights feeling these feelings. But within the greater Tampa Bay area, maybe there’s other people out there whose long days can be boosted by tiny baseball clips scrolling down their Twitter feeds. That’s how we arrived at the idea of Randy Arozarena home run therapy sessions.
So please, take a seat on the couch. Make yourself comfortable. We’ll all feel better by the end of this.
First Session
Mood: Irritable and exhausted from a long, frustrating week of working overtime.
Treatment: Randy Arozarena taking Nestor Cortes’s mustache to the bleachers on the WGES 680 Spanish broadcast.
Giant is the bat of Randy Arozarena. Giant is your will to keep giving life your all. Watch this highlight once in the morning when you wake up and once at night before you go to bed. If after 10-12 watches your faith in your future and humanity isn’t replenished, we’ll explore further treatments that involve Randy Arozarena.
Second Session
Mood: After a devastating breakup, feelings of a euphoric rebound retreat to despair after a tough third date.
Treatment: Randy Arozarena pimps a homer off Jordan Lyles to put the Rays on the board.
3-5 watches ought to be enough to strap your confidence jet pack right back onto your shoulders. Send a text to your ex that says you’re about to go on a heater of Hinge dates rivaling Arozarena’s blistering torment of the Orioles for boosted effectiveness.
Third Session
Mood: Your friends and family are concerned as your hard-partying ways have crept on well past college. A lack of financial security plaguing the news has you worried about your own.
Treatment: Randy Arozarena’s 10th home run of the 2020 playoffs in the face of World Series defeat.
Take your family’s concerns oppo and have yourself a Saturday. Treat yourself to a homemade breakfast and a mimosa, watch this highlight once an hour to keep morale high and endurance strong. At the end of the day, it’s only our job to strive for 100 percent effectiveness. Naturally, we never succeed. But it’s the pursuit that’s meaningful.
We’re pretty sure Randy Arozarena said that.
Randy is the electric factory, especially around this time of the year as playoffs come near #Troptober