Turns out, dead men do tell tales.
A lot of them, in fact.
That’s just the sort of thing that happens when Tampa’s Parade of Pirates cranks up to be the exact hedonistic, swashbuckling affair it promised to be.
The people dressed as pirates, bellied their milk punch and descended into mayhem. Like you, we were there for all of it.
From beads-to-the-head to bellied up drunks, these were some of our staff’s wildest, most memorable thoughts and observations from this year’s Gasparilla parade.
Thompson Brandes: It’s not super becoming of me. I’m certainly not thrilled to say it out loud. But amidst a sea of phenomenal people-watching every parade, a simple glimpse of someone out-of-their-mind wasted has yet to lose its comedic touch for me. The mere sight of somebody so tanked up—cockeyed, smashed, embalmed, existing on a separate plain of existence—will get a laugh from me every single time. College dudes out cold in the grass. Girls being helped off the parade route like they just suffered an ACL tear. Eyes so swollen you’re not sure how they can possibly be using a sense of sight as they gaze out into oblivion. I was blessed with maybe five of these instances before noon alone.
Alicia Armes: A lady right in front of us on Bayshore got clocked in the head with some kind of medal or giant string of beads (still not sure) and started gushing blood. It was like a scene from Carrie. (Through a mutual friend, we found out she was okay after some stiches!) And while I’m not sure what was up with the head injuries, another lady near us stumbled right into a conveniently parked car and smashed into the front bumper. Somehow wound up partially under the car. On a positive note, I loved the roaring “wooo” as Ric Flair passed by.
Kaylee Glyder: Those sly pirates! They will make you do anything for a pair of beads. One girl in the crowd got tricked into giving a krewe member a kiss on the cheek, but right as she went in for it, the man turns his head and locks lips with the poor soul! Everyone around erupted in laughter from this trick. In hindsight, I feel like as I get older everyone else around me gets younger. The desire for an all-day bender turned into an all-day hangover the next day no longer interests me.